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You Fool

Locked in a cupboard marked "NO FIRST YEARS", this aged document tells a tale of the time that UACS disbanded, or so the README said. Seeing as UACS is not, at present, dead, I decided to read further. The contents may shock and amaze you. Or amuse you. (note: VP Archives is not responsible for any damage incurred by reading this article)

Read 'em and weep,
VP Archives

The Email That Started It

UACS VP Internal sent the following email out to all faculty, staff, and ugrads in the CS department April 1 to announce that UACS is disbanding.

Dear Students,

As many of you are aware the turn out for the UACS election this year was
terrible. This has led to some very heated debate and eventually a vote inside
UACS. The decision has been made to disband UACS. It is apparent that there is
not enough interest from the student body for us to continue to spend our time
serving the students. With great sadness we have therefor decided to disband.
We don't see much point continuing operation until the end of the year so
effective at midnight tonight UACS is no more.

It has been a fun 20 years and the present and past executives of UACS would
like to thank you for your support over the past years.

The following procedure has been recommended to us by the student's union for
shutting down: -announce the shut down (this e-mail) -sell off any remaining
assets -turn any unsellable assets over to the department

We don't really want to give anything to the department so we are going to be
holding an auction today at 12:30 pm in the intuit access laboratory. Everything
that isn't bolted down in UACS will be sold. This includes the fridges, the
iMAC and all food stuffs. Everything must go!

Once again, we are saddened to have to resort to this however current fiscal
and physical realities offer us little in the way of choice.

So long and thanks for all the fish.


The Replies

A few people caught on right away

Do they feel this on April 1st only, or other days as well?
Hmm. The date on this e-mail is suspicious.

See the problem with that is that they hit the old "Reply All" button. Now a good april fools joke is only good funny if you FOOL people. So maybe try not to immediately ruin it next time.

Others got the joke and played along

I'm really sorry to hear that things have gone so poorly for you over the past
year that this is what you must do. However, we do understand the pressures of
public service.
Timing for me however is great as I have a number of Post-Docs arriving soon,
and can surely use your office. Can you be out of there by the April 15th?

To which we replied

I don't think that date should be a problem, we hope to have everything sold
off today. Perhaps you would talk it up on that side of the building, we would
be just as happy to sell to members of the department as we would be to sell
to students.
ps. Please assure Dr. REALNAMEHERE that our microwave tray will not be cleaned
before the auction, as per his request

We did get a couple good replies of genuine (maybe?) concern

Dibs on the DVD burner in the iMac. ;-) Maybe that giant bag of Earl Grey tea
too. Woot! I claim first dibs for actually showing up at the election forum.
Hi, my name is REALNAMEHERE, I'm a comp sci student (one of two who showed up
to hear the election speaches). I hope this is an April Fools joke, that's all
I can say. I guess I'll wait until tomorrow to see before barraging people with
emails ;)
This is the first I've heard of any UACS difficulties, so I am surprised. As
you may know, I'm away for a year, but there are still people who value UACS
inside the department.
This sounds like a irreversable step?

We also got one from a guy who managed to insult us twice while at the same time falling for the gag, even though he didn't read the whole email or the one that says how we are the ones organizing the food drive. Kudos!

Well, since you know that there isn't that great of an interest in UACS, isn't
it pointless to spam us all about its disbanding?
Either way, you should be ashamed of yourselves! There's a Food Bank Box right
outside your door! Why sell the food?

Did you know that we sell ridiculously cheap snacks and drinks? It's true!

During the the Fall and Winter semesters, our VP Social sends out weekly updates to keep you up to date on the latest activities in the department. If you're not in the department and still want to hear about our valiant efforts, send us an email and we'll send you the intel.

UACS has a brand new kettle this year. It doesn't taste like plastic because it's not made of plastic. To find out what it's made of, stop by the office!

We have the sexiest lockers on campus for only $10 per term plus a $5 lock deposit. Come get one while they're hot!